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[08 Jan 2005|05:17am]
[ mood | numb ]

Holy Crap. It's 5 in the morning.

*edit: I finished my book.


Now I have all these dirty thoughts in my head.
The book finished so.... innocently. :[ It was so great.
So many romantic, sensual, mysterious, dirty thoughts. *sigh*
This song is not helping.
It's the part that goes, "That your touch it means so much", that really gets to me.

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[07 Jan 2005|12:23am]
[ mood | comfy ]

I love drinking out of jars.

We had spaghetti last night. The spaghetti sauce was in a rather large, but medium size jar.
I cleaned it today. I just filled it to the brim with orange juice.

I feel like a Peasant girl. But not so peasant.

I feel comfy.

This also reminds me of the book I'm reading. I love this book. Vivian Vande Velde is great. I love her books.

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[05 Jan 2005|11:31pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

My mom and my sister are sick. I'm not, but I'm starting to feel a little itch on the back of my tongue. *clears throat*
So I took some medicine, put some vicks on my feet and socks (put socks on my feet, not vicks on my socks), put on the sweats Garrett left here, and wrapped myself up in the blanket.

I don't like getting sick.

I'm definately going to sleep early tonight. Last night and the night before, I fell asleep around 5:00. Mostly because I worked on my deadjournal and played Maple Story. And The Sims 2. And watched that movie we rented.

OOO! That movie we rented! It's called Adrenaline Drive. It's soooo good. It's an independent foreign film. It's soooo great. I've seen it about 5 times since we rented it on Monday. So good.

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> . < [05 Jan 2005|03:27pm]
[ mood | cold ]

No wonder she needed the lip syching.

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I've always supported my president. [03 Jan 2005|10:06pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Gas Prices here are $1.58 for unleaded.


See, now, why don't you hear about this kind of stuff being talked about? Huh? HUH?
Before, all people did was bitch about the prices going up. But the prices are falling drastically and no one is talking about it!


Aha! I love my President. I hope I offend you when I say that. XD
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOLKIEN!!! [03 Jan 2005|03:06pm]
[ mood | thankful ]


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HAPPY NEW YEAR! [01 Jan 2005|03:11am]
Happy New Year Everyone!

We didn't do much for this New Years Eve. We actually just sat around the house and watched TV. I was dirty and needed a bath.
Mom and Marissa we're watching the countdown on Fox News. As was I in my room, on my bed.

I would like to start resolutions this year. I never start any or plan to ever stick with any. But this year I'd like to set some rules and changes for myself this year.

1. Eat healthy.
2. Start exercising daily.
3. Do better in school and my schoolwork.
4. Get a job. Possibly.
5. Hopefully get a job.
6. Lose weight.

I mostly just want to lose weight. I see it as the one year in my life I can start dropping the pounds and become strict with what I'm eating. I figure it's only one year out my life. I can go without eating the fatty things I want to eat for one year in my life. I really need to lose weight. I must lose weight.

Garrett has been here since Saturday, Christmas. I talked a lot about being ready to start a life with just me and him. I've always been ready in that sense of wanting and knowing I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him, but now I really am actually ready and hyped and anxious to start our lives together.

Well anyways... I can't think of much to say.

I got a lot of the stuff I wanted for Christmas. I'll make a list of them later.

Marissa got RoTK: Extended Edition. I'd have to say that this is my favorite extended edition.
We were watching the third disc of Appendices. They gave this great discussion of Tolkien's languages of Quenya and Sindarin. I have always loved them so much and have wanted to learn them. Particularly Sindarin.

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Life Aquatic [27 Dec 2004|02:06am]
[ mood | happy ]

Garrett and I saw Life Aquatic today.
It was great.

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The Chronicles of Narnia TRAILER!!!!! [25 Dec 2004|01:48am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

The Chronicles of Narnia
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Maple Story Christmas [24 Dec 2004|10:14pm]
[ mood | frickin' freezing! ]

In the spirit of Christmas, Maple Story has created a world for every one to choose a tree of their own and decorate. I found a room with two tree and started decorating together with Syphon81. It was much fun and I took many screenshots to laminate the occasion.


Maple Story Christmas: 56k warningCollapse )

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Merry Christmas Eve! [24 Dec 2004|03:27pm]
[ mood | blank ]

We finally have presents under the Christmas tree.
This is actually better. Putting presents right before Christmas. It makes me less anxious to open presents before Christmas.
Now I can wait because I know I only have to wait a day.

I guess I should go to sleep early tonight, otherwise I'll wake up at 1:00 like I have been for a while now. And Marissa will be mad because they had to wait for me to wake up. LOL!

Garrett doesn't know when he'll be over tomorrow. His family was planning on going to his Grandma's house, but then he told me yesterday that they weren't going. He says he doesn't know what their plans are, but he'll be here eventually. Around 3 or earlier, he says.

If you may notice, I'm having trouble writing in my journal correctly. Meaning... I can't describe to well and I'm feeling a little slumpish typing this all out. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Yesterday was horrible. Everything was fine before I had got these excruciating pains in my stomach.
I went to the dentist that morning. Then mom took us to Target in Redbird so she could get one of those automatic jar openers for Grandma and Grandpa. They'll be very happy with that.
Afterwards, mom got gas, drove back to Grand Prairie and took a stop at the bank before we went home. Then it happened.
This has happened before. I'll be sitting there, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I'll feel like I have to use the restroom. And if I'm sitting in a wrong position, it feels like... something is lodged... in my... bum. And it hurts. Then my stomach starts hurting. Like a cold pain, yet burning at the same time.
It starts off as just a pain, but then it starts making me feel like I seriously am going to die.

So we made it home and I went to the restroom. But I knew that wasn't going to work, so I sat there anyways and cried. It hurt so bad.
I left my pants off and layed on my bed and cried more, holding my stomach. I called for my mom, but she was just laughing in the front room. I'm not looking for attention, I was seriously hurting. I screamed out to her in pain, and she comes to me, screaming back at me! Like I was screaming to her for my own pleasure of bossing her around. She's screaming back at me and in a rude tone asks what I want. I start to cry more because I'm getting the feeling she doesn't believe I'm hurting. She understand how horrible I'm feeling. I just cry and tell her to leave. She's still screaming at me, and Marissa comes and tells mom to get out and stop screaming. Then Mom starts screaming at her and Marissa screaming back, I'm just laying there in the fetal position, crying my eyes out, holding my stomach and praying to God to take the pain away.

Mom finally leaves and Marissa goes to the bathroom then comes out with towel sokes in hot water. It helped a little, but I asked if she knew where the heating pad was because it's too cold for water. She goes to find it, but gives me Rolaids before she goes. It could be gas, but I think it's something else. So she brings me two pills of Premsyn and I take them. She later finds the heating pad and I put it on high and wrap it out my stomach. I'm still crying and moaning in pain. I just lay there waiting to die (or pass out).

The phone rings and it's Garrett. I start crying quietly and he's asking how I feel. I inhale sharply, trying to talk without feeling pain in my abdomen. I finally get out to him how I'm feeling.

I talk to him and start to feel a tad bit better. Because his voice is soothing, and plus the heating pad was starting to kick in. Premsym was too.

We talk for awhile. About 30 minutes. I start to doze off. Garrett says we should sleep. So we hang up and I instantly fall asleep.

I wake up. It's 7:00 PM. I had fallen asleep at 12:00 PM.

All this, all the pain, was just one huge, excruciating cramp.
It's happened before. But not everytime I'm about to start my period. Just every once in awhile and not often. I don't know why. I just hope it doesn't happen again.
My mom hasn't apologized to me. I'm not expecting one. But I'm thinking she's not going to apologize because she realized she was being an idiot. But then again, she probably apologized to Marissa while I was asleep, since Marissa was pretty mad at her too.

I finished Magic Can Be Murder. It could have been better. It was great though. I'm not going to lie, I like reading about romance. Magic Can Be Murder wasn't a romance book. It had romance, but more story than a love story. It's a great book. And I'm not saying that love was all I was looking for, but once she did start talking about love and something started happening between the two characters, she didn't get into it much. Which was what got me. It's the kind of story that ended that made you have to think of what would happen to them next. The only romantic thing they did together was hug and he smelled her hair. Which sparked me, and I wanted more. But that was it.
So if I wasn't such a horndog, I'd say this was one of the greatest books I ever read. And it was, I just wish she talked more of their relationship. And what Galvin meant by, "And you're going to love my mother." What's supposed to mean?! His mother his a witch too, or she's crazy like her mother too?? *sigh*

Ahh Dangit! I just went to the bathroom... I started. *sigh*

Well. Merry Christmas Eve everyone! XD

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[23 Dec 2004|10:12pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Happy Early Merry Christmas Eve! XD

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Maple Story Screenies [20 Dec 2004|02:42am]
[ mood | happy ]

Finally! Screenshots from Maple Story!
I was planning on putting a description for every screenshot, but there's a lot. They're pretty self explanatory. Foxith and EvilYuna in the last few shots are my favorite Maple Story buddies! They're great.

Mutiple images follow: 56k warningCollapse )

4 comments|post comment

What's your Inner Faerie? [18 Dec 2004|12:43am]
[ mood | busy ]

You are a faerie of the flame. You tend to lose
your temper at the littlest thing, hot-headed.
You're a loyal friend to those who can
understand your raging moods. You're social
though claim not to be. You are no one else but
yourself and sometimes you try to hard to be
just that. You're a passionate friend, and
would do almost anything for those you care

What's your inner Faerie?
brought to you by Quizilla

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[15 Dec 2004|10:52pm]
[ mood | greasy ]

QuizzesCollapse )

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[15 Dec 2004|01:46pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around looking for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

Among people over fifty, the leading cause of blindness is age-related macular degeneration (AMD), or loss of central vision.

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Even perfect things have their rough edges [15 Dec 2004|12:05am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I failed Business. I wasn't planning on telling my mom about it until I knew exactly what I had to do. But as she was giving me some money so Marissa and I could get something to eat, I told her she should keep it. And when she asked me why, I told her I had failed Business.

She said not to worry about it and that we'd make it. I almost wanted to cry as she was hugging me and telling me it was OK.

I go to college with Financial Aid. And I've never failed a class before while under Financial Aid. So I'm not sure as to what I have to do now. Do I pay back FAFSA with my own money? Or are they going to take it out of the remaining financial aid I have left for the Spring Semester? I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I'm washing clothes right now.

My mom has hardly been home lately. She's either always working on getting gifts for the main managers for the county (she works for the county), working on her reports to turn in, staying at work late, or she's at some party. I know that the parties aren't really work, and I know that since she's doing all of this other work, it seem only fair for her to get some time off before heading back to the real work. But sometimes it just gets to me. I know I shouldn't let it bother me.

Honestly, I hate going to parties. A small party with a few people here and there is good with me, but I hate parties. Most of it has to do with my inability to socialize with strangers.

Anyways. Garrett left today around 11:00. We had an emotional rollercoaster ride. I actually made him cry a couple of times. I can't remember how we started fighting at the time, but I know I was mad at him. Then later that night, we... oh wait. I remember now. We were going to watch Reservoir Dogs on my computer. I got it ready and I jumped in bed with him. Not even 5 mintues into the movie, Garrett started taking my pants off. I wanted to watch the movie with him because I hadn't seen Reservoir Dogs before and neither had Garrett. I thought for sure he'd want to see it. So anyways, he's tugging at the backside of my pants. But I keep telling him to stop and watch the movie. But he's constantly wanting to get me naked. So after like the 10th time, I finally push him away from me and tell him that he disgusts me when I ask him to stop but he constantly gropes me and touches me in places I don't want to be touched. It sounds bad to me now, but it was really making me mad. So Garrett finally stops trying to take my clothes off and leans his head on a pillow. Now he's not even watching the movie. I tell him to watch the movie a few minutes later and see that he's asleep! So I'm watching. The volume is really loud because the sound was messed up. So when the Beatles come on at the part with Mr. Blonde torturing the police, somehow Garrett went to hug me while I watching, so I'm laying there with Garrett holding me. I can feel his nose and his breath on my back. Then my mom comes in to say that its too loud. And it was. So I get up to lower it, but I decide to turn it off since I wanted to talk to her and Garrett was asleep anyway. So I X out Windows Media Player and Garrett starts yelling (more like talking loudly) at me saying that he was watching it, when he clearly wasn't. Even if he was, he could always turn it back on. He ends up staying in bed in the dark as I go to the living room.

I later go back to the room to go to sleep with him. I start to hug him and kiss his neck, but he stays stiff and doesn't want to turn to me or talk to me. I keep rubbing his arm and playing with his hair and he tells me in a stern voice, "Please. Stop touching me."

Now. I know why's he's mad. He's done this before. He'll touch me when I don't feel like making love with him or if I don't feel like.. eh-hmm... "kissing it" and then he'll sometimes get mad if I push him away. We've gone through this before. This time instead of holding a grudge, sleeping back to back with each other and not talking for the rest of the night, I lay there with my right arm around him and my head resting up on my left hand, I say, "All because you wanted to have sex and I wanted to simply watch the movie with you." Then Garrett comes out of his silence, "No you didn't, you turned it off. You were just being a bitch and turned it off. I was watching the movie. I just disgusted you." He lays his head back down. He's started to use my words against me now. I've been through this before. I say, "You weren't watching it all. You were asleep so then I figured I'd turn it off. If you really wanted to watch it that bad, you could have turned it back on." Garrett replies with, "Whatever. You were just being a bitch."
I lay on my back and give a big sigh. And repeat aloud, "All I wanted to do was watch the movie with you." He stayed silent. I then got off the bed and walked to the door saying, "This is ridiculous. We've always got to be fighting." I proceeded to the living room and laid on the couch. I was going to sleep there. I didn't want to be with Garrett if he was just going to be mad at me.

As I laid there, it felt like an eternity. I waited for him to come for me. Either apologizing or just telling me to come back because he can't sleep without me. I waited for this because... well, I've done this before and he did either of the two.

I laid there. Kookie and Coco followed after me when I left the room. I laid there petting Coco. I wasn't crying. I was just upset. And waiting for Garrett.
I turned over facing the couch cushions. I heard someone coming. I suspected it was Garrett. "Ow!", went my mother as she stubbed her toe on the coffee table. I must have woken my mom up when I opened the door and the squeaking sounds of the couch must have traveled to her room. She asked if I was OK. I just told her I felt like laying on the couch. Maybe she would suspect that my back was hurting on my bed. She left it at that. She talked to the dogs some, telling them they couldn't go outside. It was late.

I heard her turn on the kitchen light. Moved some dishes around. I heard her turn the light off and her footsteps shuffling against the carpet back to her room.

About 10 minutes had passed. I was getting cold. I wanted to go back to my room, but I didn't want to go back on my own will. I wanted Garrett to want me again.
I was really getting cold the more I wanted my blanket. So I decided I'd walk back to my room and grab a cover. I reached over Garrett and tugged my blanket from under his leg. He moved it as if I would lay down. But I didn't. I swung my blanket over my shoulder and walked out. I thought I heard Garrett give a very soft scoff. Did I hear it? I'm not sure. I was still wishing Garrett would hold me and tell me he's sorry.

10 or more minutes... or less had passed. I was covered up on the couch. I was still laying there wishing Garrett would come for me.
Five more minutes had passed. Was Garrett ever going to ask me to come back? Did he even care? What's happening to me? What's happening to us? This damn couch makes my skin itch. I felt tears start to well up at the corners of my eyes.

I kept thinking over and over of all these thoughts. Then random. Time passed over me. And it all felt like a dream.

All of a sudden, I felt something touch my head. I was startled. I had fallen asleep. I opened my eyes and looked at what was touching my head.
It was Garrett. He was sitting on the loveseat reaching over, thumbing my forehead. I woke and looked into his eyes. I felt a smile on my lips and my eyes squinched with comfort. I felt my head pushed back, as a shy child would, against the throw pillow my head was resting on. My love had come for me.

Then in that split nanosecond, I remembered why I was sleeping on the couch in the first place. I turned over to face the couch cushions. I laid there for a couple of minutes, turning away from Garrett and also trying to wake myself up to come to my senses.

I could hear Garrett sniffle. He must have been crying. I thought of how strange I felt when Garrett touched me. I didn't hear Garrett walk to me or sit on the loveseat. I must have been sleeping hard. I almost fell asleep again from thinking of how I felt.

I heard Garrett sniffle again. I started to feel the hard cringe in my chest of a cry coming on, but nothing was coming out. I turned over. I didn't want to ignore his tears. I layed my head on the pillow and reached my hand for his. His hand was over my head, resting on the pillow. I gently touched his fingertips with mine. He grabbed them. We were holding each others hands.

I didn't have my glasses on. I couldn't see him well. Just a blurry outline of him and the surroundings. It was dark and dim. All that lit around us was the multi colored lights on our little Christmas tree. I could see his arm gesture as if he was wiping away tears. He was. I put my glasses on. Still resting my head on the pillow, I looked at him. My mouth and nose concealed. Just my eyes peering at him. He stared at me with swollen and pink eyes. I laid my head back down, rubbing his fingers between mine. He rubbed back. This lasted for awhile.
I finally sat up and rubbed my eyes, to wake up. I had almost fallen asleep again when I was rubbing his fingers. I yawned and stretched. Garrett asked in a weak tone, "Did you sleep good?" I shook my head to say yes, but then slanted it and ended up circling my head around. I didn't want him to think I slept good without him. I didn't, but I did feel pretty good once I had fallen asleep. I told him, "Ehh."

We stared at each other. Garrett finally moved to the spot that my head had once rested. I stared into his eyes and wrapped my arms around his head. He nestled his head in my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. He cried hard.

I whispered in his ear, "I love you."
He said over my shoulder, "I'm sorry." He continued to sharply sniffle and breathe in and out. We held each other.

I told him I loved him once more and looked at him. His eyes were wet with tears. We started to kiss.

We kept holding each other. I told him I was sorry I made him cry. He said he was sorry for what he did. I told him I love him so much. We kissed more. Continued to hold each other. Garrett wiped his tears and I kissed his eyes. He said, "Did your mom see you on the couch?" I said, "Yeah." "What did you tell her?", he said. I told him, "I just told her I wanted to sleep on the couch." "Oh. Because she looked at me when she was going back to her room." We both giggled. I rested my head on his chest as he held me.

He pulled me up and asked if I wanted to go to bed now. I told him, "Ok, if you want to." And gave him a peck on the cheek. He glared at me like an unsure baby. I asked what. He said, "... I want a pickle." LOL, we both quietly laughed. I said, "Do you want some popcorn too?" "Do you?" "And do you want to watch a movie?" "Ok!"

So then for the remainder of the night, we ate popcorn and pickles and watched Enter the Dragon.

Everything was great the next day. We later went and saw The Borne Supremacy on Sunday night at the dollar theater. It was around 10:15 PM. It was a really good movie. Ever since we saw Team America, we can't help but say, "Matt Damon" every time he came on screen. (LOL) (Well not everytime, but almost everytime in the beginning of the movie.)

Then once we were going home, we got in a little fight again, but quickly got better once we talked it out in my room. I really don't want to fight like we did this weekend.

I need to learn to control what bothers me. And Garrett needs to learn to stop when I ask him to.

So anyways. That was pretty much my week with Garrett.

Oh and also that when we went to the library, I checked out Magic Can Be Murder by Vivian Vande Velde. It's a great book. I'm almost finished. I want to own this book.

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[10 Dec 2004|02:43pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I just finished my favorite meal. White rice topped with Italian Meatballs cooked in Cream of Mushroom and green beans scattered about the bowl.

I love eating food in bowls. That's my favorite.

Well, Garrett is asleep. It's almost 1:30 and Garrett is asleep. On my bed behind me. We woke up at 7:30 because I had to take Marissa to school. Well, I was just going to get up, but then I realized I still need gas in the van! I had been running on empty ever since I got back from school yesterday. (Yesterday was my last day. WOO!)
So I called my mom up and she said she left me her ATM card on the entertainment center.
So then I had to go get gas. Garrett said he'd go with me. So we get going. Garrett tells me he has a sore throat while we sit in the van, waiting for the pump to stop.

Gas prices have gone down 25 cents! It's unbelieveable. I mean, I can believe it. But just seeing them 2 days ago as $1.86 and now at $1.61, just makes me want to shout. KICK MY HEELS UP AND SHOUT! COME ON NOW! Oh sorry. XD
Garrett says it'll probably go down another 20 cents, and I believe it. (Take that Bush haters! XD)

So the tanks fills up. The heater warms us up. Another thing Garrett and I talked about a few days ago. It was amazing the gas prices didn't go up around Thanksgiving. THE HOLIDAYS!
Ok. The heater warms us up. Garrett decides to stay in the van while we wait for Marissa to come out to drop her off. It was about 8:05 once we got home, so I would honk for Marissa around 8:15, as I always do.

Garrett talked about some movie called Thirteen and wondered if thats the reason why so many kids have been cutting themselves now. I've never seen it. But I always see those damn icons of those two girls sticking their tounges out...

We dropped Marissa off. Garrett and I get back home. And... well, Garrett and I decided to sleep naked together. We took off our clothes and just layed there holding each other. We figured no one would come over. Garrett started watching Appleseed on the computer and I slowly dozed off. I'm asleep. I'm asleep. I hear Appleseed going in the background. I'm asleep. I'm asleep. I'm gone.

Then all of a sudden Garrett's shaking me, telling me to wake up. And I hear the doorbell ringing repeatedly. The sound I was dreading. I didn't have my glasses on. I coudn't find my damn shirt. I ended grabbing my jeans and my pj pants, along with my undies. I run to the bathroom, breathing hard and my heart beating like a rabbit being chased by bloodhounds! I clothe my lower half and lean over the sink trying to steady my breathing. I wonder if my mom is going to try and open the door just to see me. I DON"T HAVE A SHIRT ON! I hear her moving dishes around in the kitchen, so I figure this is a good time to put on the robe that's hanging on the door of the bathroom and hightail it back to my closet and put on a shirt! I still don't have my glasses on so I wouldn't know if my mom was coming to the hallway or not, but it was a risk I was willing to take.
I make it to my closet, seeing Garrett curled up in the bed, and quickly put on my yellow SpongeBob shirt. I throw the robe in my closet and jump in the bed with Garrett. Garrett must have told my mom we were sleeping since that's why it took us so long to answer the door... and then layed back down. And we were sleeping... just naked and rushed.

And that was that. Mom came in and we talked like we normally would. Talked about the low gas prices. Mom said that's what the troops in Iraq are fighting for. Garrett and I stayed silent for a moment. Then I blurted out to her that that's not why they're fighting. And Garrett followed a nanosecond after me and explained to her that Iraq has nothing to do with the oil. My mom stayed quiet and continued to check her mail on the computer. Garrett fell back to sleep, (lol) and I sighed.

So yeah. That was basically my day so far. After the little fiasco, I got up and tried wake Garrett up. I told him I was bored and, like a little kid, told him to play with me, but he said he wanted to sleep. So I went to the living room and watched Judge Mathis and The People's Court. Then decided to make lunch... Mmm.. it was good.

I want Garrett to wake up so we can go to the library soon.... hmm, well it looks like we might not make it since we have to go pick Marissa up in about an hour.

Oh yeah, did anyone else hear about what happened to Dimebag Darrel of Pantera. It's sad. I heard about it yesterday on the radio while I was taking a shower (shower radio). It made me think of my friend TJ because she was always so obsessed with Pantera. She's in love with the lead singer. I think she actually met Dimebag.

I was thinking about calling her, but I might get stuck with her crying or something. Not that I would turn her away if she were distraught. I just don't want to deal with something like that right now.

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The Ringer Obsession Test [08 Dec 2004|08:56pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

I'm 43.56846% obsessed. How obsessed are you?

The Ringer Obsession Test
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Lost :: Episode 11 [08 Dec 2004|08:21pm]
[ mood | blank ]

This Lost episode was great. Fricken Great. Marissa cried so hard. (She's in love with Dom.)

....;_; Just thinking about it makes me weep. IT WAS SO GREAT! DX

I wish they would show Lost forever! I MUST BUY THE BOX SETS WHEN THEY COME OUT! MINE!

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